Trespassing
by BigNamekianBallz
Summary: B/V Vegeta is territorial. Will he save the 'annoying woman' if trespassers came onto his territory to kidnap Dr. Briefs' daughter? Or will he let them take her? Definately NOT your average B/V.
1. Territorial Saiyan

BigNamekianBallz: I don't own DBZ.  
  
This is a humorous Bulma/Vegeta fic. Vegeta is territorial and hates trespassers. But when a group of people who make a living off of kidnapping and ransoming come for Bulma and enter Vegeta's territory, Vegeta makes an exception and considers letting them take the 'annoying woman.' Will he let Bulma be taken or will he protect his territory?  


* * *

  
**Trespassing  
**Territorial Saiyan  
  
Vegeta just finished his afternoon training and headed to the main Capsule Corp. building in an extremely good mood. He was very close to the Super Saiyan level and he could feel it. He saw Yamcha training in the grass not far from his Gravity Chamber his back facing him. Vegeta started to growl a loud, threatening growl.  
  
Yamcha froze as soon as here heard that familiar, intimidating sound. He turned around slowly "Oh..." he laughed nervously "Hi Vegeta! I didn't expect you to come out of the G.R. for another few days." He put his hand behind his head and laughed.  
  
Vegeta just crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at Yamcha. "What are you doing here, Weakling?"  
  
"Um... I was just training. I didn't realize I was so close to the G.R. I'm sorry. Heh heh... I'll go train in the woods." Yamcha started backing up.  
  
"Yes, you are sorry. You should have thought of that before you came here." He uncrossed his arms, smirking.  
  
Yamcha knew that smirk all too well. He had seen it before Vegeta killed him. He continued to back up "No! Wait. Goku will come get you if you kill me again."  
  
Vegeta formed a ki ball "Kakarot is not here to save you and I will be a Super Saiyan very soon."  
  
Yamcha did the first thing that popped into his head. Desperate times calls for desperate measures..."BULMA!!!"  
  
"WHAT DO YOU WANT? I'M COOKING FOR THAT FUCKING PRINCE OF SATANS!" she came walking out of the large, round house holding a spatula.  
  
"Go away, Woman! Can't you see I'm busy? Go finish my food!"  
  
Bulma saw the wet stain on the front of Yamcha's pants. Then at Vegeta who had that look in his eye and a ki ball "VEGETA! NO KILLING AT MY HOUSE!"  
  
Vegeta ignored her yelling and focused on a new smell. The smell of urine. The smell of adult, male, human piss! Yamcha's piss. He looked at Yamcha who pissed his pants as he thought hard at the situation. 'So the Weakling is trying to mark my territory. What a pathetic attempt. His scent marker hasn't even touched the ground...yet. I'll fix that.' Without warning, Vegeta used the ki ball he was holding and burned Yamcha's lower half.  
  
Yamcha shrieked like a little girl as his pants were burnt off. Without looking, he knew all his body hair from his waist down to the grass was singed off. And the urine that was running down his legs quickly evaporated along with the scent.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING, VEGETA? WHY DID YOU DO THAT? NOW YAMCHA CAN'T USE SOME OF HIS BODY PARTS UNTIL THE BURNS HEAL!"  
  
"Woman, you are just worried about his little dick. The Weakling was lucky that I'm in a good mood."  
  
"GOOD MOOD? I HAD TO RUSH HIM TO THE HOSPITAL JUST BECAUSE HE WAS STANDING TOO CLOSE THAT FUCKING G.R.!"  
  
"He's still alive, isn't he? If I wasn't in a good mood, he'd be Frieza's sex slave in Home For Infinite Losers."  
  
"UGH! YOU JUST DON'T GET IT, DO YOU VEGETA? PEOPLE IN GOOD MOODS JUST DON'T GO AROUND FRYING OTHERS JUST FOR BEING TWENTY YARDS FROM THEIR FAVORITE TOY! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? WHY ARE YOU SO POSSESSIVE!"  
  
"Humph. It's part of my territory, Woman."  
  
"WHAT? YOUR TERRITORY? ARE YOU A FUCKING DOG, VEGETA? DO YOU PISS ALL OVER IN MY YARD TO MARK YOUR TERRITORY?"  
  
Vegeta just crossed his arms "He was trespassing."  
  
"Oh...my...fucking...KAMI! YOU DO PISS ALL OVER MY YARD! DON'T YOU!"  
  
Vegeta stood there, staring at her, not caring.  
  
Bulma put everything together and sighed, calming herself. 'Okay, this is just some kind of cultural misunderstanding' she told herself. "Vegeta, you shouldn't have attacked Yamcha like that. Sometimes when humans get scared, they accidentally mess their pants."  
  
Vegeta raised an eyebrow "So, that Weakling wasn't trying to mark my territory?"  
  
"No, Vegeta. He wasn't. How long have you been 'marking' my property?"  
  
"Since I got here. And it's my property, Woman. It wasn't claimed when I got here."  
  
"Whatever, Vegeta." She didn't feel like arguing anymore "Is that why when you got here, all the wild animals stopped coming around? I just thought you had a bad aura or something."  
  
"More than likely it is from my scent, but it could be my aura also."  
  
"Whatever, Vegeta. I'm going to take a LONG nap. Please don't piss in my yard, again." She turned to go inside the house.  
  
Vegeta just humphed and headed back to his beloved G.R.  
  
* * * * *  
  
On top of a nearby mountain, two figures holding a telescope and a zooming camera looked at each other fearfully. They where warned about Vegeta that he could be a problem in their plan to kidnap Dr. Briefs' daughter, but that seemed to be an understatement. They packed up their things and headed to the hideout to report.  
  


* * *

BNB: So tell me how it is so far.  



	2. The Plan Is Made

Big Namekian Ballz: Thanx 4 those reviews! There is some hidden humor in the names. I sat for hours trying to come up with some stupid names for the bad guys. Please don't let all my hard work end up pointless. Try to figure out what they mean. Think Bart Simpson's prank phone calls.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Buns Of Steel or any Richard Simmons workout tape. Or UPS.  


* * *

  
**Trespassing  
**   
  
"Mr. Indeehass, we come with today's report from the mountain post."  
  
"Please, Mr. Indeehass is so formal. Call me by my first name Taiksit." he looked her up and down "And you are..."  
  
"Wett." His eyes widened so she continued "Fairy Wett."  
  
He smiled big at her and she sighed. For some reason, her name always had an effect like this on men.  
  
Her partner took the opportunity to speak "And I am her partner, Biachu Phuxyoo. You can call me Biach. We're new here. Started two days ago." He held out his hand   
  
"Yes. I can tell. Who can forget names like yours? What have you observed?"  
  
"Well, you may not believe this, but the man with the spiky hair made some kind of laser shoot out of his hand. He attacked Bulma's boyfriend for what seemed to be for no apparent reason. His whole bottom half was scorched black and he was rushed to the hospital."  
  
"Believable. What I don't believe is that you guys have been working for two days and you haven't witnessed Vegeta kill or hurt anything. Have you two been patrolling during your time or have you slacking off?"  
  
"No! We've been patrolling during our hours, but Vegeta has been in that small round building for the whole two days!"  
  
"Again, believable. You two sit down. I have neglected to give you important, life-saving details."  
  
Fairy and Biach sat and absorbed the information that Taiksit started telling them and watched the clips of film on a nearby screen, wide eyed.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Grrr..." Vegeta growled as he did his last finger push up. He got up and started doing more ass busting training.  
  
"Stupid Woman. This land was unclaimed when I got here. I had every right to claim it. I am the Prince of Saiyans! I can claim any piece of dirt I feel. Do humans not do the same?"  
  
He growled in frustration "Saiyans claimed their possessions. Whether it be a mate or territory they would claim it , protect it, and fight for it. Why didn't the Weakling or Old Man claim it? The Woman needs a real protector in her worthless life."  
  
He finished his jumping jacks and pulled out his 'Buns Of Steel' tape and popped it into the built in VCR that he made Bulma install. (BNB ~ An ass like _that_ doesn't come easy, you know - Right ladies? ; ) He then realized what he had said about Bulma.  
  
He growled at himself for saying such stupid things "I shouldn't be thinking about protecting her worthless life. That is what the Weakling is for." He smirked at the thought of Yamcha's lack of hair where it needed to be and shriveled dick.  
  
"I only protect the Woman because she is on the property I protect. If another damn human comes onto my property to take her, I'll make them suffer! No more being Mr. Nice Prince Of Saiyans! I will not just blast them, I will break of all their limbs and eat them while they watch!"  
  
He finally realized how protective he was of Bulma. "FUCK!" He took out the 'Buns of Steel' tape and threw it.  
  
"Now I need to work over time to get that stupid Woman off my mind!" He popped in his most difficult Richard Simmons workout tape and growled.   
  
* * * * *  
  
Fairy and Biach were horrified after the clips of Vegeta were over.  
  
"...So...Vegeta came to earth several years ago to destroy the planet and possesses unbelievable powers and now he is living with the lady we are to kidnap?"  
  
"Precisely. Is there a problem?" Taiksit asked as if it were nothing.  
  
"Yes there's a problem! He has already murdered 82 of the 86 employees that you have hired! Half of them only set foot on the lawn! That only leaves 4 that still live! Us two and two more! We were watching those clips closely! He attacks salesmen, the family's friends, and even Jehovah Witnesses! HFIL! He even blew up the UPS man along with the package and van! WITH HIS BARE HANDS! Is he Bulma's bodyguard?! It's like he's always guarding the house like a fucking dog! Does this guy never sleep?!"  
  
"Well, all those rookies that I hired were stupid. The twins have been working with me since day one and they are still alive and spying. It is their job to study Vegeta and find his week spots. What they have discovered is really interesting as well as confusing."  
  
"Really?" Biach asked sarcastically "Can he blow up earth with his bare hands, too."  
  
Taiksit decided not to answer that question "Ahem. He seems to HATE Bulma Briefs as much as everyone else. He just seems to be territorial."  
  
"Like a fucking dog!" Both said in unison.  
  
"Yes. Like a dog. And we came up with a plan to get Bulma Briefs without getting killed."  
  
Biach and Fairy looked at each other, interested. Just then, the twins, Tro and Jen Kondum walked in with an elderly woman costume.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Bulma woke up a few hours later, feeling refreshed. "Ah...my headache is gone now." She looked out the window "What to do?" She sighed "I would like to work on that project, but I need that rare part from America. The UPS man was supposed to bring it sometime last week..." Her eyes widened at her suspicion. "VEGETA!!!"  
  


* * *

Big Namekian Ballz - For those of you that don't know what UPS is, it's the United states Postal Service. So Vegeta basically blew up the mail man. Don't ask me how the UPS man got his UPS van over in Japan, but go along with it anyway.  
  
_Still_ feel like laughing? Check out my other story 'Hate Triangle'. Bulma and Gohan are kidnapped by an alien race called the Fartlings. Vegeta, Piccolo and Chi-Chi set off to rescue them in a tiny spaceship. Of course this is a humor fic! With a little adventure.   
  
And please, no flames for the extermination of the Jehovah Witnesses. I got no beef with them. My family are Jehovah Witnesses' so I respect them. But do you think a territorial Vegeta will let them trespass if he knew that? No. He would blow them up as he did with the salesmen. So please don't take it to the ass.  



	3. Crossdresser

Big Namekian Ballz - Again, Thank you for those reviews. I love them. Please don't forget to review after this chapter. I would greatly appreciate your input.  


* * *

  
**Trespassing**  
Crossdresser  
  
Bulma stomped down the hall, down the stairs, through the house and onto the lawn right up to the G.R.  
  
Her father held a cup of coffee in his hands and watched fearfully as his daughter stormed through the kitchen. His genius mind told him not to say a word when she cursed and mumbled like that. Relief washed over him as she took her rampage outside, slamming the door. The impact of the front door hitting the door frame shattered the glass window. He sighed. Perhaps he spoiled her too much as a child. "My...that temper sure isn't from mine or my wife's genes". He raised an eyebrow at that thought.  
  
She was bright red with rage. Hyperventilating. Mumbling about how mail and packages never seem to make it to their doorstep anymore. Cursing Vegeta. Eyelids twitching. Steam blowing out of her ears. She stood and stared at the door of the G.R. The rage inside of her just had to be released. She opened her mouth and let it out, giving a scream that was nothing more than a scream of pure fury and hatred toward the prince.  
  
The ground shook violently. Her father spilled the scorching coffee on himself. Her mother, who was in the garden watering her plants at the time, fell face first into the mud. The mighty prince ducked out of surprise and covered his sensitive ears until the scream stopped.  
  
He stared at the door...something was outside of it. He cautiously stood up and went to open it. Outside, stood...the woman?!? She looked horrible, red with rage, hyperventilating, twitching at every part of her body. 'Damn it. I knew I shouldn't have used her toothbrush'. He noticed the steam coming out of her ears. He gulped. 'Maybe she found her old stuffed animal under my pillow...no...I won't let her take you, Nappa!' He gained his composure "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT!"  
  
"WHERE IS IT!?!"  
  
Vegeta gulped. So she was after his Nappa. "HE'S MINE! I FOUND HIM UNDER YOUR BED! YOU ABANDONED HIM, I FOUND HIM! HE'S MINE!!!"  
  
"YOU WERE IN MY ROOM?!? AUUURGH!!!" Bulma stopped pulling her hair and calmed her breathing. She'll deal with her privacy issues later. She clenched her teeth and began to speak "No, Vegeta, MY PACKAGE!"  
  
Vegeta's eyes went wide 'So she wasn't talking about Nappa'. He smirked and leaned against the G.R. "I didn't know you had a package...now I know why you don't like it when I call you Woman." His eyes traveled down her body 'I have never met a man that looks so good in women's clothes'. His eyes traveled to her breasts 'If Bulma is a man then those can't be real'. Then the thought finally hit him 'Bulma's a crossdresser and the Weakling is It's mate'. Vegeta suddenly felt proud of himself. He knew it all along and he was gonna yell it to the world "I KNEW THE WEAKLING WAS A FAG!"  
  
Bulma's rage had faded due to her puzzlement. She had watched him get surprised, then cocky and then he finally found out why she didn't like being called Woman instead of her name. She watched him look her up and down, then stare at her breasts for a long time. As he was staring at her breasts, a proud smile grew on his face and he yelled that he knew Yamcha was gay. She figured he had no idea what she was talking about. She sighed 'This is probably another Saiyan culture thingy'. She rubbed he forehead and decided to approach this by another angle "Vegeta, did you attack a stranger in the yard last week?"  
  
Vegeta took note of the change of subject and tone 'So It doesn't want everyone to know that It is really a he'. He smirked 'I can blackmail It with this information'. "Yes, MAN, I disposed of a few strangers last week."  
  
Bulma blinked 'Where did he learn to use 'man' in that way? Maybe T.V. or from Yamcha's stoner friends, possibly even Krillen'. Wherever he learned it from she was going to ignore it "Was one of them dressed in brown and carrying something?"  
  
Vegeta thought. He had killed so many trespassers, how was he supposed to remember what they were wearing or carrying? "Possibly."  
  
"Vegeta, I need that part that the guy was carrying."  
  
Vegeta shrugged "Check under the large tree in the back yard." He then turned and slammed the G.R. door in her face.  
  
Bulma's temper rose again "It better be there, Buster or I know a certain monkey who is gonna have to live in the forest!" She then stomped off into the back yard to the large tree that she used to climb when she was little.  
  
Anger started to rise in her blood when she saw from a distance that there was nothing under the tree. But as she drew closer, curiosity started to set in when she saw the ground in one large area was recently dug up. She started digging and found something black in the dirt.   
  
Pulling it out she realized that it was a briefcase. She opened it and looked through the papers, the briefcase belonged to a salesman who sold cosmetics and cheap imitation perfumes. Then she pulled out a bag with knives. "Hmmm...Cutco knives. So that's what happened to that kid that was supposed to come over the other day. We can use these." She put them aside and dug out some Watchtower magazines and a spy camera. Then she saw the corner of a package so she threw the magazines aside and sat the camera next to the knives. She dug up the package and opened it. "Jackpot!" She then took the part along with her new knives and camera inside. "I'll have to come back out and see what other goodies are under that tree. And then I'll have a talk with Vegeta about killing people".  
  
Bulma sat the stuff down on the kitchen table as her mom walked in. "Hi, Honey. Yamcha called. He regained contiosness and wishes to speak with you." Her mother eyed the camera with her eyes closed. "Ooh is that your new camera?"  
  
"Yeah, Mom, I just got it today. Can you develop the pictures for me because I'm going to see Yamcha at the hospital?" she asked, walking outside.  
  
"Sure, Honey, I'll take them to the store. Bye."  
  
"Thanks! Bye, Mom! I'll be back later tonight." Bulma decapsulized a car and was on her way.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"...and that's our plan" Tro finished.  
  
"Great plan and all, but why do _I_ have to crossdress like an old woman?" Biach asked, horrified.  
  
"Because you'll do a much better job than me" Fairy said in a hurry.  
  
Biach sniffed "But...but I don't want to die.."  
  
Tro finally spoke up "Don't worry. With Yamcha in the hospital, nothing would go wrong with the plan."  
  
"Taiksit! Bulma is on her way to the hospital!" Jen reported.  
  
"Excellent...time to get suited up!" Taiksit chuckled evilly. "Soon, Dr. Briefs, you will have to pay me billions of dollars to get back your only daughter and future Capsule Corp. president.  


* * *

Big Namekian Ballz - Oh no! What's gonna happen? And what's with the damn old lady suit? Vegeta still thinks that Bulma is a man/crossdresser and refers to Bulma as "It". What will Bulma do when she finds out that Vegeta stole her favorite childhood stuffed monkey doll and named it Nappa? Does Yamcha's wang still work?  
  
**Not enough B/V for you?** Still itching for a good laugh? Bulma and Gohan are abducted by aliens! Vegeta blasts off into space to retrieve his mate, but with one problem...Piccolo and Chi-Chi are on board! What the fuck is going to happen when The Vegetable, The Namek, and The Bitch are stuck in one tiny shuttle in outer space? Full of comedy and adventure. Check out my other story: **Hate Triangle**.  
  
Since my lazy ass don't update as often as I should, just email me and tell me to put you on my email list! ~ BNB.  
Please review!  



	4. Mommy?

Namekian Ballz ~ Well, my evil roommate from hell just moved out. I don't remember when the last time I felt so good. Now I don't have to share the phone line with a hog. And I don't have to put up with different men coming in every night. Or the fumes she gave off from not showering for a week. Best of all, she can't use my comb or best scissors to trim her foot long pubes, or her just leaving them right there on the carpet. (Which is where I got the idea off a hairy Chi-Chi in **Hate Triangle**) Who trims their pubes onto the carpet anyway? AND LEAVES THEM?!? Oh well, atleast I don't have to catch her trimming them again.  
You might think it's disgusting or maybe even funny, but I'm damn serious.  


* * *

  
  
**Trespassing**  
Chapter 4 - Mommy?  
  
  
Bulma entered the hospital room where Yamcha was. He looked horrible.  
  
Yamcha jerked harshly and started whimpering.  
  
"It's okay, Babe I'm here." Bulma gently placed her hand on top of his and he calmed down slightly.  
  
"Are you a relative of the patient, ma'am? If not then I'll have to make you leave." A voice sounded from behind her.  
  
Bulma turned to the nurse. "No. Yamcha was an orphan so he doesn't have anyone else, but me."  
  
"So that's why no one else has come to see him. Poor guy. Very well, you can stay. May I ask, ma'am, how did this happen?"  
  
Bulma was afraid of that question "Well, he got attacked by a wild animal."  
  
"That's strange. I never heard of burn injuries this critical caused by a wild animal."  
  
"Yeah, well this creature caught him off guard."  
  
"Oh..." The nurse decided not to pursue the question. "Well, anyways, physical, he is ready leave the hospital. He needs to be pushed in a wheelchair due to seriousness of the burn wounds on the lower half of his body." She finished with a cough.  
  
"What do you mean 'physically'?"  
  
"Well, while he was awake earlier, the doctors examined him. Yamcha has been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. He needs to be with someone at all time. I suggest you moving into his place or visa versa."  
  
"I'M NOT MOVING INTO HIS DUMP JUST TO TAKE CARE OF HIM!!!"  
  
"Well, we have a special center for people with no family to care for them."  
  
"You mean with all the recovering homeless people?"  
  
"Or with the elderly."  
  
"Ummm...I think I'll just move him into Capsule Corp. We have a handicap rest room that he can use."  
  
"That's fine. I'm sure he would like to recover at a cozy place like Capsule Corp." The nurse Smiled at Bulma.  
  
"...B-Bulma...?" They were interrupted by a groggy voice.  
  
"Well, I better leave you two alone." The nurse walked out and quietly closed the door behind her.  
  
"Yamcha, how are you feeling?"  
  
"Weak. I can't feel my lower half."  
  
"I got good news! I'm moving you into Capsule Corp with me!"  
  
"Bulma...NO! Vegeta will torment me!"  
  
"No he won't, I won't let him. Come on Yamcha. You can't live by yourself like this."  
  
"No, Bulma! I refuse to live in the same house as that rabid ape! He's the one who did this to me!"  
  
"Yamcha, calm down. YOUR LIVING WITH ME AND THAT'S FINAL!!!"  
  
"But-"  
  
Before Yamcha could object the door slammed open and an old lady came running in "YAMCHA! MY BABY!". Her voice was discustingly manly.  
  
Bulma and Yamcha just stared at the intruder.  
  
"Uh...IT'S ME! YOUR MAMMA!"  
  
"M...Mommy?" Yamcha's lip slightly quivered as his eyes started watering.  
  
"EXCUSE ME. Yamcha doesn't have a mother. She left him in the desert when he was five years old."  
  
"I didn't leave him...I ...uh...I lost him. Oh, I searched high and low for him for years."  
  
"I was chasing the air car when you where driving away, Mommy! You couldn't hear me screaming your name?"  
  
"Uh...No Baby. I was too busy looking for you."  
  
"I KNEW IT!!! I NEW YOU LOOKED FOR ME!!!"  
  
Bulma decided it was time to cut in "What is your name?"  
  
"Uh...my name is Martha."  
  
"What's my last name?" Yamcha was excited.  
  
"Your...I mean...OUR last name is Mum...cha." They stared at her. "Yeah our last name is Mumcha."  
  
"So my name is Yamcha Mumcha? Wow..."  
  
Bulma cringed at the name. She's never been so relieved that they hadn't married yet 'Bulma Mumcha. Yuck!'. "That means your name is Martha Mumcha."  
  
The name had the same effect on the old lady. She cringed and replied "Yes."  
  
Bulma carefully watched the old lady. She was suspicious the moment she ran into the room like an olympian. 'Oh well! If she is Yamcha's mother then she can stay with us too!' "Mrs. Mumcha, would you like to stay at Capsule Corp and get to know your long lost son better?"  
  
"Oooh! I would love that, Dear."  
  
"Alright, then. It's settled. Lets fill out the paper work and get Yamcha out of here."  


* * *

BNB ~ How was that chapter? Does anyone feel sorry for Yamcha Mumcha? Poor guy. Anyways, I promise to have the next chapter out by next week. Until then review and check out my other story **Hate Triangle**.  
  



	5. Try The Kitchen

Big Namekian Ballz ~ Like I promised I got this chapter out within the week. Enjoy.  


* * *

  
  
**Trespassing**  
Chapter 5 - Try The Kitchen  
  
  
"Alright. Here we are. Martha, this is my home, The Capsule Corporation. I've lived here all my life and it's a great place to live and..." Bulma was blabbing as she wheeled Yamcha down the drive way. Yamcha whimpering had interrupted her introduction to the huge building "What's wrong Yamcha?"  
  
Yamcha's shaking hand pointed to the G.R.  
  
"Oh. Martha, that round thing right there is the Gravity Room. It's my guest's favorite toy and he doesn't like any one going near it. Okay, where was I at? Oh yes, as I was saying those flowers are my mother's, she loves gardening. Well, so do I. But I also love..."  
  
'Damn, don't this Bitch ever shut up?' The man in Martha's old lady disguise sighed as he looked at Yamcha, whose eyes were wide with fear as they stayed glued to the G.R. He saw what Vegeta had done to Yamcha and now he understood why. Bulma had mentioned Vegeta doesn't like any one going near the small sphere-ish building. If that's the case then any wrong move may be the end of his life.  
  
"The front leads into the living room, the side door to the kitchen, the back door to the lab, the other side door to the garage, the other door to..."  
  
Martha sighed again as they were entering the large house. 'Shut up already. WHY...why Kami...WHY do we have to kidnap her? Why can't we kidnap Mrs. Briefs? Why does it have to be Bulma?'   
  
* * * * *  
  
Vegeta's eyes slightly squinted as he saw the sun again for the first time in hours. All he could think about was his drinking water. Wiping his neck with the towel he smirked to himself 'Soon I will reach super saiyan and destroy Kakarot'. He snickered at his thought and headed to his favorite, most quiet drinking hole.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Martha was ready to fall over from sheer agitation. So far they've toured half of the building and she couldn't take any more. But what would happen next was something that none of them or the readers were prepared for.  
  
"And that room was the handicap room. Yamcha, that will be your room. And right across the hall is the handicap restroom. I used it when I had a broken leg..." Bulma wheeled Yamcha into the dark bathroom and switched on the light only to be cut off by Yamcha's shrieking.  
  
Vegeta gave a loud protective growl to warn the intruders that they are not wanted in this private time of his.  
  
Bulma blinked once...twice...rubbed her eyes..and blinked again at the sight before. The only way to be able to tell that she was not just seeing things was Vegeta's warning growl and Yamcha's spazzical reaction.  
  
Martha couldn't believe what she saw either.  
  
There, crouched Vegeta right in front of the toilet. His strong arms wrapped protectively around the toilet. Water dripping from his nose and chin as he let loose that spine shivering growl of his.  
  
"VEGETA!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?"  
  
"WHAT'S IT LOOK LIKE?!? I'M GETTING A DRINK OF WATER!!!"  
  
"FROM THE TOILET?!?"  
  
"No, from this BOWL right here!"  
  
"Vegeta, that water isn't for drinking. Try the kitchen." Her face had turned a deep shade of red from embarrassment.  
  
"THEN WHY IS IT HERE?!?"  
  
"For relieving yourself of course."  
  
"I AM RELIEVING MYSELF!!!"  
  
"No, Vegeta, I meant that's where MOST people do the necessary."  
  
Vegeta stared hard at her. He didn't understand. Wasn't getting a drink of water necessary?  
  
"OH KAMI!!! THAT'S THE TOILET!!! IT'S WHERE HUMANS PISS AND SHIT!!!"  
  
Vegeta jumped up away from the toilet as if it were a threat to his life. He hastily wiped his face with the towel and started spitting every where.  
  
"YOU HUMANS ARE THE MOST DISGUSTING CREATURES IN THE UNIVERSE!!!"  
  
"IT'S NOT DISGUSTING!!! IT'S SANITARY!!!"  
  
"YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU HUMANS SHOWER IN THE SAME ROOM THAT YOU EXCRETE?!? IN THIS SMALL BOWL?!?"  
  
"YES!!!"  
  
"THAT IS THE MOST APPALLING HABIT I HAVE EVER HEARD OF!!!"  
  
"BETTER THAN PISSING OUTSIDE!!!"  
  
"NO IT'S NOT!!!"  
  
"YES IT IS!!!"  
  
"NO!!!"  
  
"YES!!!"  
  
Martha couldn't believe what she was seeing or hearing. "Boss!" She whispered into the flower pin she was wearing "Are you getting this?"  
  
_"Yes, Biach, We're hearing all of it. Out."_ The hearing aid in her ear replied.  
  
"HEY OLD HAG! WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?" Vegeta interrupted his argument with Bulma to torment the funny looking old lady.  
  
"I. I. Uh. I. Myself dear. When you get to be my age then you'll do that sometimes." Martha was visibly sweating.  
  
Vegeta noticed something terribly wrong with her voice. He slowly moved past Yamcha, who had shrank back into his wheelchair and was still whimpering. Then he shoved Bulma out of his path way and dangerously close to the old lady. He sniffed her and growled as his hand snaked around her neck. "You are lying to me."  
  
"VEGETA!!! LEAVE YAMCHA'S MOTHER ALONE!!!"  
  
'So this is the Weakling's mother? I thought she smelled like a he. Homosexuality must run in the family.' He let her go. "I'll be watching you, Old Hag." With that said, Vegeta turned and left the room.  
  
"Are you okay, Mrs. Mumcha?" Bulma ran up to Martha.  
  
"Yes Dear" She coughed. "I think I just need a long nap."  
  
"Okay. I'll show you to your room." Bulma helped Martha to her room, forgetting about Yamcha who was still scared shitless in the bathroom.  


* * *

BNB ~ Come on, who actually feels sorry for Vegeta? How about traumatized Yamcha? How long do you think he'll sit in the bathroom until some one - like a certain prince - finds him? Expect the next chapter again next week! But while your waiting, Check out my humorous story **Hate Triangle**! Here's a clip...  
  
_"Well, what do you want?" The tall green warrior gruffly asked.  
"I want you to come by here tonight, when Vegeta is sleeping" [Bulma] paused and an evil glint came up in her eyes "and [...???...]"  
"Are you crazy!?!" [Piccolo's] antennas twitched in annoyance "If Vegeta finds out, he'll kill me."  
"He won't. I can promise you that, Greeny." A look of cockiness washed over her face "Besides, if you do this for me, I'll make it worth your while."_  
  
I promise that it's not what you think. You'll have to check it it out.  



	6. Ahhehheh

BNB ~ Surprise! This chapter is past it's original due date! Enjoy!  


* * *

  
  
**Trespassing**  
Ah-heh-heh  
  
  
"Please Taiksit! I don't want to do this anymore! That Vegeta is a wild beast! I don't want my reproductive organs burnt to a crisp like Yamcha's!" Biach's lip started quivering as he spoke into the flower pin mic and looked directly in the tiny camera on the bridge of his old lady glasses. "He's mean! And he's already suspicious of me...*sniff* AND HE CALLED ME AN OLD HAG!"  
  
"Calm down, Biach!" Taiksit yelled back at him through the hearing aid. "You knew from the beginning that Vegeta was ruthless. To call him 'mean' is an understatement. And of course he is suspicious of you! He is suspicious of everyone! Including Dr. Briefs' cat for Kami's sake! As for the name calling...that is expected. He never refers to anyone by their proper name. Just hang in there. When you succeed, you will be a millionaire. All you have to do is gain Bulma's trust and then kidnap her. You will not fail!"  
  
"Okay. Just remember to tell my mother that I love her and my insurance is in-"  
  
"Biach! Quit being a little bitch and go chat with Bulma or something!"  
  
"Yes, sir. Out." Biach slipped into his Martha disguise and headed out in search of Bulma.  
  
Martha was heading out to the kitchen in search of Bulma when she heard screaming. She peered into the kitchen and watched quietly.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH YOU EMBARRASSED ME IN FRONT OF MY FUTURE MOTHER INLAW?!?"  
  
"Humph!" Vegeta turned his back to her. "I had no way of knowing that you dirty humans used my drinking water as a shit pot!"  
  
"WELL IF YOU WOULD HAVE TAKEN THE TOUR WITH THE OTHER NAMEKS WHEN YOU FIRST GOT HERE THEN WE WOULDN'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM WOULD WE?!? BUT NOOOO!!! THE MIGHTY PRINCE OF SAIYANS DIDN'T NEED A MERE HUMAN FEMALE TO SHOW HIM AROUND BECAUSE HE WAS JUST FINE!!!"  
  
"Quit screeching. My ears are sensitive."  
  
"ARGH!!!" Bulma slammed her small fists onto the table, making the coffeecup and newspaper bounce. She took one deep breath. "Vegeta...if you haven't been using the ttoiletto go to the bathroom, then where have you been going?"  
  
"..."  
  
"Please tell me that you haven't still been going in my yard."  
  
"..."  
  
"I already asked you once not to go in my yard."  
  
"..."  
  
"THAT'S IT!!! I HAVE HAD IT!!! THIS ISN'T YOUR PROPERTY TO BE CLAIMING!!! I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!!!" Bulma grabbed the newspaper and stomped outside.  
  
Martha watched as Vegeta growled in frustration and go outside. Cautiously, she followed to see where Bulma went to. Maybe she could speak with her and help her feel better.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Yes. I am completely confident that my daughter will do an excellent job as president of the Capsule Corporation when I retire next year. I assure you she is THE BEST for the position." Dr. Briefs smiled as he spoke with confidence to the share owners of his corporation.  
  
The board members shook their heads in agreement, completely confident in Bulma's work. "We agree. Ms. Briefs is perfect for the position. Her first invention was at the fine age of 8. And since then, she has designed and created some of our best products. She alone has increasedour profits by 32 percent, making hundreds of our finest inventions."  
  
There were plenty of positive mumbles among the men. Dr. Briefs smiled as pride washed over him.  
  
"Speaking of our future president, there she is."  
  
Every member got out of their seat and went to the window so they could catch a glimpse of the young lady who they all speak of so highly.  
  
"She looks a little P O'd about something." They all shared a short, good-hearted chuckle.  
  
Dr. Briefs paled. "Uh. Well, you all heard about her temper, I'm sure."  
  
They all laughed again as everyone continued to watch in interest.  
  
Dr. Briefs was holding his breath and thought 'This isn't going end well...'  
  
"What is she holding? A newspaper?"  
  
* * * * *  
  
Bulma stomped around to the back yard  
  
She stopped and looked around 'Where is a good place?' Then she saw the bushes near the end of the yard and at the beginning of the forest. She nodded approvingly at them and went over to them.  
  
Vegeta came stomping after her in a rage and instantly realized what she was doing.  
  
Bulma went into the bushes and smiled. Perfect. The bushes were waist high and Vegeta was there to see her rebel against him. So she dropped her pants, crouched, and unfolded the newspaper.  
  
All Vegeta could see of Bulma was her head, but he could smell it.  
  
"WOMAN!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?"  
  
"WHAT'S IT LOOK LIKE VEGETA?!? I'M CLAIMING BACK MY PROPERTY!!!"  
  
"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!"  
  
"AND WHY NOT?!? IT'S MY PROPERTY!!!"  
  
"MY SCENT IS ALREADY THERE!!!"  
  
"ALL HUMANS CAN SMELL IS PISS!!! ONLY ANIMALS CAN TELL WHO'S PISS IT IS!!!"  
  
"YOU HUMANS ARE JUST TOO PRIMITIVE!!!"  
  
"YOU SAIYANS ARE PRIMATES!!!"  
  
"WHAT?!?"  
  
He stretched his arm out and flattened his palm. Bulma's eyes widened. "Big...Bang..."  
  
He looked into her eyes and saw nothing, but pure terror. For some reason, he couldn't do it. He growled at himself in frustration. Why couldn't he blow her to smithereens? He smirked and decided not to use his big bang attack. Instead he pointed his forefinger and incinerated the bushes all around her.  
  
"EEE!!!" Bulma pulled up her pants as soon as she recovered from her initial shock.  
  
"AHHAHAHAHAHA!!!" The Prince held his stomach as he laughed. He fell to the ground laughing his ass off.  
  
Bulma was red and fuming from both embarrassment and rage "THAT'S NOT FUNNY, MONKEY PRINCE!!!"  
  
She charged at him at used a running kick into his groin.  
  
"AUGH!!!" She hopped around on one foot and held the other. It was like doing an all out running kick into a wall made of titanium.  
  
Vegeta laughed some more and then decided to help her. He had heard four toes break. He picked her up and proceeded to carry her into the house as she screamed and pounded his back. The fact that she was still trying to hurt him made him smirk. She had not even shed a tear from the four broken toes.  
  
"PUT ME DOWN!!! I HATE YOU!!!"  
  
He saw Martha gaping at them as he walked by her. She must have seen the whole ordeal. He smirked at her as he walked by and into the back door.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Dr. Briefs was red with anger and embarrassment. He slowly looked at the board members and gulped as they were all staring at him with surprise and anger.  
  
"Uh...I uh...don't know what that was about, but I can get it fixed. Ah-heh-heh..."  
  
"This meeting is now over. You will wait to retire or we will find someone else." At that all the members promptly left Dr. Briefs in the meeting room by himself.  
  
He sighed and closed his briefcase and go home to yell at his only daughter and that strange prince.  


* * *

BNB ~ Uh-O. Next chapter - Bulma and Vegeta will probably get in trouble. But while your waiting check out my other story "Hate Triangle". Here's a clip.  
**"HEY, SERVANT!!! Go get the old man to come out here and get the G.R. working again!" He glared down at the unmoving Yamcha. "NOW!" Vegeta formed a quick ki ball and fired it at Yamcha, barely missing him as he scurried into the building "And hurry the fuck up!"  
"WHAT!?! MY POOR BABY IS UP THERE WITH NOTHING TO STUDY AND ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS THAT FUCKING G.R.?!? WHAT ABOUT BULMA?!?" Chi-Chi started turning red with rage, breathing very heavily. "Calm down, Bitch. The G.R. is also a spaceship," he calmly explained.**  
As soon as I'm done with this fic, I will have another one out. It branches off of "Hate Triangle". I think I will call this one "Weakling: My Royal Pet Frog". I'll give more details soon.  



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